Husband Insist Wife Can Only Wear Dresses Only Videos
I'm wrestling with whether to ask my husband for a divorce. He hasn't cheated on me, I'm sure about that, nor have I cheated on him. Twenty-two years into our marriage, I just don't feel any spark for him anymore. He's a good man and a good father, but I'm not attracted to him at all. Our interests are quite divergent, we barely talk about anything other than big stuff (bills, vacations, errands, etc.), he hasn't come on to me in years, and I don't think I'd respond to him if he came on to me today. And it's not that I'm experiencing some sort of sexual dysfunction; I still harbor deep cravings and I see men all the time I'm attracted to in that way. I do love my husband, always have, but I don't think I'm in love with him. Actually, I'm sure I'm not. I know we have it better than some long-time couples—we get along, don't really fight much, we've raised great kids who treat us with respect, and we're in good shape financially as our retirement years near. So maybe I should just be happy with what I have ... but I can't seem to escape this feeling that there's something more than this, and I'm seeing time slip-sliding away. Can you shed some light? Thank you. —To Leave or Not to Leave
Dear To Leave or Not to Leave,
Before I jump straight to the heart of your question—to divorce or to not divorce—I'd like to take a moment and encourage you to consider some intermediate steps.
What I hear you saying is that while you love your husband, have a generally positive relationship, and are companionable, you feel as if there is something missing from your relationship, something you do not want to do without for the rest of your life. I wonder if he feels the same way.
What might it be like to open a dialogue that celebrates the time that you've had together and opens up a discussion about what you each want for your remaining years? If you haven't let your husband know that you aren't satisfied with the status quo, you have not given him, nor you, an opportunity to see if your relationship can change. That seems unfair, and it does not honor the relationship you have shared these many years. It may be that he also feels unsatisfied and doesn't know what to do about it. You can't know unless you begin communicating with each other.
There are couples who work together to reignite the "spark" that has faded. There are some who stay married, yet change the expectations of their relationship so each can get their needs met. There are others who decide that separation or divorce is the best option for them. Figuring out which path is for you should be, at the very least, a conversation rather than a unilateral decision.
These conversations can be challenging, often because we are afraid to hurt those we care about. Imagine, however, the depth of hurt when one is blindsided by a request for a divorce with no indication that one's partner is unhappy. You both deserve better than that—as does your relationship.
I encourage you to get the support you feel you need in broaching these topics with your husband. He might be hurt to learn that you are not satisfied with your relationship, but he also may be relieved to finally be talking about it. If you are hesitant to open up a dialogue on your own, you can work with a couples counselor to explore these issues. Divorce is a big step to take, with logistical, emotional, and financial ramifications, but if the two of you are open with each other, explore options together, and ultimately come to that decision together, the chances of retaining the positive spirit of your relationship are significantly greater.
Best of luck!
Erika
Erika Myers
Erika Myers, MS, MEd, LPC, NCC is a licensed psychotherapist and former educator specializing in working with families in transition (often due to separation or divorce) as well as individuals seeking support with relationship issues, parenting, depression, anxiety, grief/loss/bereavement, and managing major life changes. Although her theoretical orientation is eclectic, she most frequently uses a person-centered, strengths-based approach and cognitive behavioral therapy in her practice.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/i-dont-love-my-husband-anymore-is-it-time-for-a-divorce
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